I was looking for you...
As I sat and thought in my own little world, I searched for you. But I couldn't find you.

Where is the friend I love, know and try to understand? It is difficult for you, I am sure - your wounds reopened every 6-12 months by a mere smile, twinkle in the eye and lingering look. Perhaps even a memory.

It's not easy. I hardly think so. I want to be strong, be there, always, for you. But I want you to climb out of that dark tunnel yourself. For yourself.

I want to give you that helping hand and the reasssuring words but will you grow to think that it is almost lovely to fall despondently, heartachingly in (unrequited) love with somebody?

I should forgive her just as God above forgave us. But I will not forget because one person here needs to do the memory work. You can't because you don't want to and because it is awful. So I am. And I remember.

And I remember the time she has not left but yet again, has already done so. I am protective because I don't want you to get stabbed by the same knife and burnt by the same fire.

Where are you? Are you back in the place where worry plagues and sadness shrouds? Or are you back in the place where denial grips you tightly and tells you there is light at the end of this already lost tunnel?

Will you come back? I am waiting right here, and so are you.